egomaniac (egomaniac9000) wrote in iranianallies,
egomaniac
egomaniac9000
iranianallies

unsent letter

Dear Mom & Dad.
It's time you stepped back and took a look at how your refusal to accept me for my entire person is affecting- ruining- my life.
You think I am depressed and need to be medicated. I agree that I am depressed but what I need is your support. You think that you can support me financially and emotionally and academically without supporting me in what you call my "decision" to be gay. These things are not inseparable. My worth as a person is tied to every facet of my being, and your complete rejection of this very basic fact in my life is destroying the stability and assurance that used to be the platform from which I could achieve all things.
My sexuality has become a scapegoat for every problem in our household: for my grades, for [my sister's] social problems, our inability to get along as a family, your nerves.
You think my grades are low because I must always be involved in "hamjens-bazee". No, my grades are down because I have to contend with the knowledge that my parents are broken spirits because of something they think I did to them. I have to watch on TV every day arguments that my rights to happiness and equality- what you yourselves say you came to this country for- are denied by our government and that my own parents support my exclusion. I am distraught by the thought of hate crimes, of disease, of loneliness- of the gauntlet of anguish I must navigate daily.
I have to manage my relationships completely unguided, because I am forbidden to talk to my family about issues that apply to me, and that you could help me with despite that we are different.
The indignity of being forced to lie about myself repeatedly to my extended family- that you encourage me to lie, that you encourage their probing- is spirit crushing. Of family members who know about me, not one has had the continued and exaggerated refusal to accept me that you have. Why does 'aberoo' continue to be more important in your lives than your relationship with your son?
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